A Pirate's Guide to Proper Motivation of Heroes
by BerryBlonde
Summary: Alyx Hawke is starting to get worn down by her life as the Champion of Kirkwall, but, luckily for her, Isabela knows just what to do...


**AN: Here's a little one-shot set in late Act 3 that was actually inspired by the title I came up with for a chapter I recently wrote in my F!Warden/Leliana fic "The Glory of Love," (Yes, I am shamelessly plugging my own story here :P). Anyways, I hope you all enjoy! Any reviews you'd like to give would be greatly appreciated!**

* * *

><p>On most days, Alyx Hawke would be happy to see gloriously golden rays of sunlight shining through her windows as the drapes were pulled apart, but for the Champion of Kirkwall, today was not most days.<p>

"Someone had better re-close those drapes soon," Alyx mumbled into her pillow as menacingly as she could muster in her half-conscious state. Unfortunately, it appeared to have the opposite of the intended effect on the intruder, as Alyx immediately heard a very familiar giggle.

"Oh come on sleepyhead! It's almost noon! Get that sweet ass up!"

"Isabela," Alyx groaned out as she rolled back over, one hand over her eyes to shield her from those infernal rays of sunlight, "I only have this hangover because of you. You just _had_ to get a few drinks before we could have sex."

"Yep," Isabela chirped out with entirely too much energy for the headache ridden and exhausted warrior, "I need to get good and drunk before I can sleep with your ugly mug!"

"You're so lucky I can't move right now," Alyx grumbled, though she couldn't help the small smile that curved her lips as she heard Isabela's rich laugh.

"Now, enough laying around! There are bad guys to stab!"

"There's _always_ bad guys to stab!" the Champion huffed, "Can't everyone in this city just kill each other without me for _one_ day? Maker forbid they get their own hands dirty!"

Isabela chuckled and then went suddenly silent. Even without having to take her hand off her eyes, Alyx knew she was Up to Something, as per usual.

"Isabela, what are you do–" Alyx's wary question was suddenly cut off as the mattress beneath her was jerked upwards on one side, sending the Champion sprawling to the floor in a tangle of limbs and blankets, "Dammit Isabela, that's it, hangover or no hangover, you're getting it this time!"

Before the warrior had even extricated herself from the twisted mass of blankets that clung to her like some sort of constricting snake, Isabela escaped out the door in a blur. After a few moments of struggling and repeatedly grumbling out every Elven curse she'd learned from Merrill, Alyx finally managed to tear the blankets off and push herself up. However, as soon as she got to her feet, the Champion nearly fell back over, her head throbbing painfully. Holding herself upright, and conscious, through sheer force of will, Alyx stumbled her way forward to grab one of her robes and then out the door after the pirate.

After gingerly making her way downstairs, Alyx found Bodahn and Sandal in the main hall, where they seemed to spend almost all their free time.

"Serah, you look terrible!" Bodahn exclaimed as he rushed over to the Champion, "Are you ill? I don't think you should be out of bed right now!"

"No, I shouldn't," Alyx muttered grumpily, "And I'm fine, just very hungover. Speaking of which, which way did Isabela go? I think I have to kill her now."

"Um," Bodahn's eyes went wide, and then he cracked a nervous smile, "You uh, you are joking, right Serah?"

Alyx chuckled and nodded on the outside, but, on the inside, she was still considering all her options.

"Ah, well, she went into the kitchen, said something about how 'it was time for step two.' Don't really know what she meant by that, though that Isabela does seem to work in mysterious ways."

"Yes, so mysterious that even _she_ doesn't know what her next move is going to be," Alyx smirked as she patted Bodahn on the shoulder and moved past him towards the kitchen.

As she entered into the next room, Alyx was momentarily stunned to find an array of eggs, toast, bacon, and an assortment of fruit laid out in front of her. The pirate was leaning against the counter upon which her feast sat, giving the dumbfounded Champion a smug smile.

"You... cooked for me?"

"Don't look so surprised," Isabela grinned, "I _do _know how to cook. I just choose not to."

Alyx's look of wide-eyed surprise quickly transformed into a glare.

"A few years ago you specifically told me that you didn't know how to cook _at all_," Alyx crossed her arms, "You've been making me cook for you all this time, without even helping very much, mind you, and you could have done it all by yourself the whole time? _And_ you just literally threw me out of my own bed the morning after _you_ got me entirely too drunk! Why in the Void do I put up with you?"

"Hm," Isabela pondered the question for a moment, casually tapping a finger against her chin as she stared off at nothing, "Because I'm great in the sack?"

Barely managing to suppress the smile that threatened to form on her lips, Alyx rolled her eyes at the pirate.

"Oh! I know!" Isabela exclaimed excitedly as she strutted up to the Champion so that her nose was brushing against the other woman's, "Because you _looooove_ me!"

Unable to hold it in this time, the Champion's smile blossomed fully and she let out a laugh before pulling the pirate into a deep kiss. When oxygen became an issue, the two pulled apart and smiled into each others eyes for a few moments until Isabela suddenly swept away to sit at the food-loaded counter.

"Now, come on sweet thing, your meal is getting cold!"

Laughing, Alyx took the seat next to her lover and began to dig in. For a few minutes, the two ate in comfortable silence, leaning against each other slightly and turning to give the other a bright smile every so often.

"So, what made you give up your free meal ticket by cooking me breakfast?" the Champion asked after they'd both had their fill.

"Well, you've seemed so unmotivated lately," Isabela replied, "You never used to complain about there being more bad guys to stab, you know. So, I decided, being an expert on motivating heroes and all–"

"Oh, you're a motivational expert now, huh?" Alyx interrupted with a grin.

"A motivational expert that specializes in heroes," Isabela clarified haughtily.

"And what other heroes have you motivated?"

"Well, remember how I told you about that kinky three-way I had with the Hero of Ferelden and that cute redhead Leliana?" Isabela asked the strange question as casually as one would ask another about the weather. Alyx just rolled her eyes and nodded her head in response, "After that, they went on to slay the Archdemon and save all of Ferelden. Now _that's_ motivation."

"So, let me get this straight. The great Hero of Ferelden was only able to stop the Blight because she randomly had sex with you a couple months before the Battle of Denerim?" Alyx asked, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Yup, it's just simple putting two and two together, sweetness. Why do you think you were able to beat the Arishok?" Isabela grinned cheekily before she suddenly pulled some sort of pamphlet out of... somewhere (Alyx still wasn't sure where the pirate kept anything on her scantily clad body) and handed it to the warrior, "Anyways, as I was trying to say before _someone_ interrupted me–" Alyx rolled her eyes once again, "– since I'm such an expert in this field, I thought I'd work the magic of my simple five step guide on you."

The Champion brought the paper in her hand up to her face. Written in big, bold letters, the title on the front read: "**A Pirate's Guide to Proper Motivation of Heroes**." Opening the pamphlet up, Alyx found only six lines of text within:

_ How to Keep Your Hero Working:_

_ Step 1: Rile her up._

_Step 2: Feed her._

_ Step 3: Sex._

_ Step 4: Feed her some more._

_ Step 5: More sex._

"Do you like it?" Isabela said as she peeked over the top of the pamphlet, "I even threw in some rhyming, did you catch that on step four?"

For a moment, Alyx could only stare at the piece of paper in her hand, then the next moment she burst out laughing, nearly falling off her stool as she rocked back and forth with mirth.

"Hmph, I thought you'd like it," Isabela huffed.

"I do! I love it!" Alyx managed to choke out between giggles, "I love _you_!"

"Good!" Isabela grinned as she leaned her head against the Champion's, "Because I love you too."

Smiling wide, the Champion couldn't help the pleasant tingles that went down her spine upon hearing those three words she'd once thought she'd never hear from Isabela. That wasn't the first time the pirate had said them, but no matter how many times they came from the pirate's lips, they still took her by surprise in the best possible way.

"Well, you definitely took care of step one earlier," Alyx shot Isabela a glare that was entirely lacking in any real venom, since she couldn't stop smiling, "And we just finished step two, so..."

"Sex!" Isabela yelled out excitedly before grabbing the Champion and yanking her in the direction of the bedroom.

* * *

><p>Many hours of sex, one meal, and more hours of sex later, Alyx found herself curled up with the pirate in her bed, their sweaty limbs tangled amongst each other as the two sought to catch their breaths.<p>

"You know, I'm rather surprised no one has come asking me to kill anything yet," Alyx commented as she slowly stroked her hand up and down Isabela's spine, "I honestly didn't think this city could go a day without me around to fix every little problem for them. Unless... wait, did you do something 'Bela?"

"_Maaaybe_," Isabela sang out, giving her lover another of her trademark grins. Alyx just raised her brow and waited, "Well, I struck a deal with Big Girl to keep her from making you do her guards' work for them _again_, and I may have convinced a big, scary thug to stand at your front door and tell people you're not available today."

"What?" Alyx exclaimed, "Who'd you hire to do that?"

"Fenris."

"Fenris? He's not big or that scary," Alyx frowned.

"Are you kidding? To the nobles up here in Hightown an elf with strange tattoos, wearing armor, and carrying a really big sword is one of the scariest things imaginable!"

Alyx giggled and shook her head slowly as Isabela flashed her a very self satisfied smirk.

"And just what kind of deal did you make with Aveline?" Alyx asked, very curious to know what kind of leverage was needed to keep the Guard Captain out of her hair for a day.

"Well, I went barging into her office yesterday and told her that if she gave you a day off, I wouldn't tell anybody that I'd just walked in on her being bent over her desk by her husband," Isabela's eyes suddenly went wide in mock consternation, "Oh, looks like I didn't hold up my end of the bargain. Oops."

Alyx could only laugh and pull the incorrigible pirate she'd come to love so much into a tight embrace. The Champion had to hand it to Isabela, she _was_ damn good when it come to motivation.

_Thinking of which..._

"You know," Alyx said suddenly, "I'm thinking five steps just isn't enough to _fully_ motivate a hero. I think we need to add a step six: e_ven more_ sex."

"See, _that_ is why I love you!"

* * *

><p><strong>For every review I get, I'll donate a dollar to cute puppies and kittens! :P<strong>


End file.
